Karsten's Rage

Things Ive Learned the Hard Way

2009-06-24T10:55:00.000-07:00

"You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run."
- Kenny Rogers - The Gambler

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tu5W9G8s9YQ

Bike Touring is 33% physical, 33% mental and 33% logistics. I have the physical down pat. The other two I'm very lacking. So out the gate, alone, I'm down 66%. My wonderful wife makes up my missing 66%. Without her, I'm doomed. The Super Tour I did a few years ago had the logistics worked out already, and the mental was there a bit in that it wasn't so crushingly lonely.

California was ok, the ride up to Sacramento was really nice and I met a wonderful couple that took me in the first night and fed me. The next day, I stupidly didn't get water before heading up Mormon Emigrant Trail to Hwy 88. It started hailing and raining and I took refuge in a tree and shivered. A kind soul stopped and gave me a 1/2 gallon of water. I made it to a hotel that had rooms for 267$ a night and they were kind enough to drive me back to the RV park up the hill where I spent a freezing night not sleeping. I met a very nice backpacking couple and we shared stories over dinner.

Nevada was 'another thing.' I had heard it was lonely but so was I and the combo didn't go over well. The climbs were ok (all 47 of them) but the plains were brutal, cold, boring, windy and loooooong (all 47 of them). The little towns along the way are sort of nice to blow through at 70mph but I had to stay in each and every one of them. In a lot of them, my loneliness was all the more apparent. During the particularly cold and rainy parts, I seriously wondered what I was doing there. Heading into Ely off the pass was 18 miles of solid, cold, driving rain. You really begin to wonder why in the world you are doing this, especially in Nevada on Hwy 50 where there is nothing much to see.

On the last pass before Baker, NV, I met a woman that told me about Moab and Baker, and made me feel better. Baker was a jewel in the middle of nothing. The Lectrolux cafe owner let me sleep in his backyard free, and let me borrow his mountain bike to go tooling around the small town. Lots of fun kids were there working for the National Park and I met the two women that were heading to Miami. I rode up the Lehman Caves and got a semi private tour of the caves by flashlight.

Utah was something else entirely. The headwinds were incredible 25mph sustained and 40mph gusts. Coming into Cedar City I had a hard time controlling the bike and it was 50 miles of unrelenting wind. My plan was to go farther but the wind was unforgiving.

Finally the ride into Zion National Park along Hwy 9 was what I was looking for. Beautiful scenery, mild wind, sunny day. I stopped in this cool cafe with live music and couches to have a root beer. The patrons treated me like family for the 15 minutes I was there. Zion is unbelievably beautiful and I decided to have a rest day. That night the wind from the canyon was brutal and my tent was totally inadequate. I was up all night trying to lash the tent to tables and trees to keep it from falling over.

The next day I did an early morning ride into the canyon (the absolute highlight of the trip so far with indescribable beauty and almost no one else around). I had stupidly left food in the tent and when I came back there was a squirrel inside the tent, having chewed a hole in the netting, that I had to shoo out. I also noticed that the tent was covered, inside and out, with a fine red dust, from the battering it took the night before. I threw out the food and sealed up the tent as best I could. I spent the rest of the day hiking the small hikes around the canyon and although it was nice, I really wished my family was there. When I came back to the tent, I found the front pole was snapped in half and unusable. I was only able to get a cheap, crappy tent at the local supermarket and bunkered down to another sleepless night in the brutal canyon winds. I decided that night that it was time to end it, cut my losses and head home. The next day I was in Vegas by 1:30 and home by 6pm.

I'm very happy to be home. There was no equipment to be had in Zion and I didn't relish heading into the high desert with a supermarket tent. Ive learned I'm only good at the physical aspects of touring and need someone else to handle the other 66%. I've learned that ultralight touring doesn't cut it when the conditions are unusually harsh and brutal but I don't want to *be* touring at all when the conditions are unusually harsh and brutal. I've learned that what might an interesting place to blow through at 70mph is not that interesting when you have to stay there. And although I knew this before, headwinds suck.

Thanks for all your good wishes and concerns. I am happy to be safe and at home.

Understanding Exxon

2009-01-31T14:20:00.000-08:00

Today I got my haircut by a woman that had such a thick Asian accent I could barely understand her. I think her grasp of English wasn't so great so she could barely understand me. That made us even.

Ive been thinking a lot about Exxon and how we can possibly, as a people, let this kind of things happen. I know the reason but I forget it sometimes.

It was obvious that I biked downtown, I was wearing a helmet. I sat down to get my hair cut and asked her how she got to work today. After some labored communication, I gleaned she drove. This hair cutting place is 100 yards from a BART station so I asked her where she lived and how close she was to a BART station. She responded Oakland, and about 5 minutes away from the Fruitvale station (walking). So WHY in the WORLD doesn't she take BART? Well the answer is fear, but not in so many words. First she told me there were 'black' people. As she said this her voice lowered a bit in case someone in homogeneously white wealthy upper-middle class village might overhear. Then she proceeded to tell me (I was prodding) about her cousin who worked in a veterinary office getting robbed, and some stones that she found on her car. Or this is what I heard after very difficult back and forth. For example, the vet office had 'catch' which I finally figured out was 'cash'. It was dark when she got home but I gathered that 'bad stuff' could happen any time of day.

Now I think this is somewhat valid fear she has, but she could easily take BART and still doesn't due to fear. Im guessing, based on my experience with people making excuses, that if it wasn't the fear, there would be something else.

This woman is not rich, she works hard, probably raises a family and lives in a place that she fundamentally fears. Its naive to stop at "but people would lose jobs" because scratching the surface even further, its a culture of constant fear and its no way to live. But we keep driving and Exxon makes billions while the rest of the country burns.

Raping the Rich

2008-09-20T10:51:00.000-07:00

I was having a conversation about the recent financial bailouts and we got into the age-old topic of "stealing from the rich and giving to the poor." Liberals favor taxing the rich, and conservatives ... umm ... don't.

I made a silly example like this:

You make 100K you get taxed 20% and take home 80K

You make 1M and get taxed 50% and take home 500K

You make 10M and get taxed 75% and take home 2.5M

I was told "raping he rich" is not going to help. I thought about this a lot and I think Ive figured out where this might come from.

First there might be a misconception that like Robin Hood, the money is actually stolen from the rich and handed to the poor. But taxation is more like going into the general fund where, theoretically, everyone benefits in some way.

Second, I cant tell if every conservative thinks they are "rich" and will be taxed heavily. When liberals are talking about taxing the rich we are talking about the Oil companies, the Pharmaceutical companies... the obscenely rich. We are not talking about taxing the dwindling middle class.

Finally I think it might be an example of "forest for the trees" thinking. The conservatives are limited to thinking about themselves having 1M dollars and how they fear the big bad liberal government taking that away. It takes a a very broad perspective to understand why its ok to "rape the rich."

Lets start with a very simple example that highlights the broad perspective. Lets say I am the owner of a coal mine and Ive been mining it myself. Lets say that I am able to mine 10K worth per year and that Im a lazy worker. I get the brilliant idea of hiring a less lazy worker that can generate 12K worth for me and I can pay them 5K and make 7K. This assuming it costs nothing, which it doesn't, to get the coal. Im making less money but doing no "work." I hire another non-lazy worker and am now getting 24K of coal, making 14K profit, and paying out 10K to my workers. I sit back making money doing nothing and they make money doing work. Everything is good.

The missing piece is the "cost" of doing this coal mining. We assumed that it "cost" nothing to mine the coal because the only tool I used is an old spoon. The hidden costs are the health cost for breathing in the coal dust (masks are too expensive) and the environmental cost of the mining operation. These hidden costs are hard to measure but lets assume that they are "high." Lets just arbitrarily say that the health costs are 1K per year of breathing in coal dust and the environmental cost is 1K per year for every 10K worth of coal mined. So the "rich" coal mine owner should be paying 2.4K to the health care general fund and 2.4K to the environmental fund. So now my 14K is more like under 10K. That's not raping the rich, that's not subsidizing (or ignoring) any of the costs of the business.

In reality the costs to human health and the environment are probably much higher than that. With no subsidization its probably not even economically viable to mine coal in this fashion.

A lot of companies have huge environmental costs that are totally being ignored. How much would an iPod be if Apple had to figure out how to recycle 100% of the materials rather than just putting last year's hottest "thang" in landfill? Now add american working wages rather than overseas working wages and zero emissions and that iPod is 500,000 dollars in adjusted cost. Bottled water is the same thing. How much would the bottle cost if they couldn't just dump them in landfills? Since AFAIK its technically infeasible to completely recycle that plastic, you wouldn't even be able to be in the bottled water business.

So its not raping the rich but rather paying ALL the costs. In reality its just saying pay more of the costs since no one could possibly live with out their iPod (that is so last month) ... sorry I mean iTouch ... sorry I mean iPhone ... and on and on and on.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

2008-08-22T16:12:00.000-07:00

I was at the intersection of Ashby and Claremont this morning and I was waiting at the red light to cross Ashby and continue on Claremont down to College.

http://tinyurl.com/66s2oc

I was in the lane where the white car is with arrows pointing right and straight through. AFAICT there is no legal requirement for me to move out of the way and let cars turning right, turn right. If I was a car going straight through there wouldnt even be a question. But an impatient car behind me honked and said some unkind words when I declined to move out of the way. If there is a legal requirement for me to move, then I apologize to the impatient driver, and the bicycling community for fostering bad karma.

When he passed me within millimeters of me and my bike, he asked "what the fuck was wrong with me?" and made his right turn and drove off.

Well maybe its the whole week of dealing with the crap roads, exhaust, and traffic. Maybe its the fact that they closed a mile of my normal route up and down Old Tunnel for a 6 ft. stretch of repair and the dirty looks I got when I forgot Monday morning. Maybe its all the stupid gasholes that are STILL talking on their cell phones. Maybe its the three times this week I was cut off and some idiot in an SUV turned right in front of me (at this point I can tell when its going to happen so I dont get scared anymore, just tired of it). Maybe its the psychopath driving his white Miata up Pinehurst at unsafe speeds every single day (4WCZ643) Maybe its how every friggen day I deal with cars in my way that dont move. Maybe its the fact that if Im not courteous once in a month, I ruin it for everyone but the drivers are not even aware of how inconsiderate they are ALL THE time. Maybe Im tired and just dont want to
move if I dont have to.

Or maybe there is something wrong with me.

Any way I feel bad about ruining it for all cyclists and making THEM hate us even more and I apologize.

All Advil, No Brains

2007-03-05T12:39:00.000-08:00

Advil has a new ad campaign where beautiful people playing tennis and engaging in all kind of activity are telling us that they are now taking Advil for all their pain. What they are trying to convince us of is that before they were taking all kinds of pain killers for each specific pain they had. Shoulder pain medication for shoulder pain, butt pain medication for their butt pain.

First of all why do they have so much pain, and second, is there anyone still alive that thinks medication can target a body part?

The other thing I don't like about this campaign is that it makes it seem like you should take Advil all the time, for anything that might not feel just 102% perfect. Well lemme tell ya, life hurts. You are going to have aches and pains and creaks and groans. Be a man about it and push through it. Don't pop pills for every little thing, ya big wusses.

Sealed Envelope

2006-10-06T08:30:00.000-07:00

Somehow this Foley thing just seems too damn convenient. Im frustrated with the Democrats because all they do is keep asking me for money. I am going to vote against the Republicans even if the democratic candidate is a can of tuna but that doesn't change the fact that all the Democrats can do is say how bad a job the Republicans are doing (which I know) and being reactive rather than proactive. I started thinking, "how would the imminently proactive Republicans use the Foley disgrace to their advantage?"

On my list of Sealed Envelope predictions were two things.

There would be a terrorist attack on U.S. soil within the next couple of months
The Republicans have the elections in control despite public "whims" since they "own" key districts.

Number 1 would put the sheep back in their constant state of elevated fear and succumb to any inanity. Number 2 allows the powers that be to remain in control.

If you believe that Number 2 is possible then think about this. Foley is a patsy. The last bastion of potential anonymity is on the internet. With the Foley scandal it would be trivially easy to convince the majority that anonymity on the Internet is a "bad" thing and that Yahoo, MySpace, Google, AOL, and all the other players to hand over their account information and allow tapping of all internet chat.

Add Number 3 to the list. A bill to allow the all watchful eye of government to monitor our every move on the internet in case there are other "terrorists" like Foley.

Asleep

2006-09-29T16:15:00.000-07:00

In the Matrix, everyone was asleep in their pods being sucked slowly dry. I think most people are in the same situation. I fight everyday to stay awake but sometimes I feel completely alone. Here are some signs you might be asleep:

You drive an SUV
You have an iPod
You believe what you hear on the news and read in the newspaper
You think the government is doing a good job
You take any life style drugs (cholesterol, antidepressants, ED)
You've "asked your doctor" about any drug marketed to you
You live in a constant state of fear
You live or strive for the "american dream"
You think corn or potatos are vegetables
You don't like green vegetables
Most of what you eat comes out of a package
You think killing 99.99% of bacteria is a good thing and need more than soap and water to do that
You think your kids need drugs for their behavior
You "hate" in the name of religion

Im so tired of seeing people caged in their giant cars talking on their cell phones. I had to write something. Wake up, dammit. WTF do you think you are doing?

Thought Experiment

2006-09-17T14:13:00.000-07:00

Often you hear a particular corporation hide behind the mantra that if people didn't "want" it, it wouldn't sell. Whatever "it" is. In reality thats probably not true.

I was watching a commercial for the new Cadillac ESV and the whole time I'm thinking who the hell wants this crap? I keep thinking its a joke like the SUX 9000 from RoboCop. So it has nothing to do with demand. No one wakes up thinking "boy do I need a car that sits 11!" But when you see this thing and have no brains, no common sense, and no motivations other than fear and greed you think "that's what I need!"

When I see you driving in one of these things, alone, I am thinking you need some serious help and reconditioning to be a contributing member of society. If you are carrying an NFL team then I guess its ok.

On a longish bike ride, I started thinking about what a targeted marketing group would "want" if there were no advertisements or marketing telling them what they wanted. So for example say you took all the 18-25 year olds and asked them "what do you want?" But they have never seen an ad for cars, shoes, iPods, or anything else. I'm betting that if they had a roof over their heads, food and a safe environment, most would not "want" anything at the moment. Sure, periodically you might want something but I bet it doesn't look like an iPod or a car that seats 11.

Food Fight

2006-08-19T11:27:00.000-07:00

NBC Dateline had a segment last night called Food Fight. They were talking about obesity and food companies selling food and marketing food to children. They did a focus study with 3 and 4 year olds to determine the effect marketing has on young children.

First they offered the children cupcakes with either the American Flag or a picture of Spiderman or SpongeBob. The children always picked the SpiderMan or SpongeBob cupcake. Then they offered the children a plain cupcake or a banana covered with "spokes-character" stickers. Every single kid picked the banana?!?!?!?

The piece de resistance was when they showed a plain banana or a ROCK covered with stickers and asked "which would you rather have for breakfast?" The kids amazingly picked the rocks. The adult kept saying "which would you want for BREAKFAST?" and the kids always picked the rocks.

Don't underestimate the power that marketing has on your decision making capabilities. The cards are so stacked against us for making "good" nutritional decisions.

What if....

2006-08-18T15:29:00.000-07:00

Today I was thinking about something and its been a long time so I thought I'd share. I have this Local Bike Shop (LBS) that is not so local. Its only about 11 miles away on a flat, wide road so I like to bike down there for sundry items and quick chatting. The shop is very busy in the summer and they have a long waiting list to get your bike looked at for repairs, tuneups and what not. Usually you sign up for next Thursday and bring your bike in to leave it for a day or two and pick it up Saturday or whatever.

I guess a lot of people around here have more than one bike so if they want to ride on Friday they have a bike. I don't. And I'm guessing a lot of people are not considering a world where gas is too expensive and driving cars is no longer feasible. But I do.

So I was thinking how nice it would be to ride down to my LBS, drop off the bike to be looked at (my bar tape is wiggy and my shifting needs some adjustment) and then sit in Pete's (right next door) with a nice cool iced tea or something while they finished off my bike. If the only way to get your bike looked at was to bike in, there would be times and days when it would be better or worse but it would work. Too much dependence on cars and I'm dangerous driving. I'm going to work on driving even less than I already do. Winter will be hard but I'll brace for it.

Greasy Tow Truck Driver

2006-05-27T09:47:00.000-07:00

I was in my local Health Food store buying some berries and other stuff. The owner and everyone that works there knows me by name and we're on very good terms.

This place caters to the super nutty. They have all kinds of homeopathic remedies, supplements, alternative medicines, molecularly superior water and all sorts of other hooey. Some of it I buy, most of it I ignore. My mind is open but not to the point my brains have fallen out.

Anyhoo, I'm looking at the chocolate and on the other side of the counter there is this greasy, AAA tow truck driver with bad teeth, obviously very agitated, asking the young girl at the counter if the manager is around. Note that the young girl is the daughter of the owner, with whom I am on a first name basis.

The grease gorilla then states that he's upset about my being barefoot in the store. That its dirty (what the fuck? ; remember this guy is a greasy tow truck driver ) and that its against the law and the store owner might get in trouble. First of all, in a multiple choice test with the apple, orange, pear and greasy tow truck driver... which one "doesn't" belong? Second, barefeet are no dirtier than this guys shoes and far cleaner than this guy in general. Third of all there are no laws, civil, criminal or health codes, against going barefoot anywhere including restaurants, grocery stores and other food establishments. Finally, the store owner and everyone that works there is fine with me being in there barefoot.

I summon up my courage cause its scary confronting a greasy gorilla, and say "there are no laws against being barefoot." The gorilla says "its against the health codes." I say "there are no health codes about footware." He says, "I used to work in a restaurant and I know that barefeet and dogs are not allowed." And then he stormed out.

After that confrontation I began to understand why the founding fathers came up with the electoral college. I don't think grease gorillas that believe everything they think aught to be allowed to vote.

Strange Advertisements

2006-05-27T09:37:00.000-07:00

I can't tell if I am just looking through colored lenses or advertising is getting weird. I subscribe to Backpacking magazine and Bicycling magazine and some of this stuff I just can't figure out. For instance, Lafuma (a backpack maker) has an ad where they have attached backpacking straps to a giant rock formation. Does this mean that Lafuma packs are like carrying mountains on your back?
In the cycling magazine some guy loves his Giordana cycling clothes so much he wears them into work. The women are looking at him with what I can only fathom as pure disgust. Is Giordana thinking that a guy sees that and thinks "wow I can disgust women with that stuff, where do I sign up?"

Just kinda makes me scratch my head and wonder what the $%&# they were thinking when they came up with this stuff.

Recoil

2006-04-28T06:22:00.000-07:00

Gas prices are up, no question. But traffic is also up which I don't understand fully. When we started this whole war in Iraq and questions of oil shortages, gasoline prices and all that other silly stuff, I started to notice an increase in the number of gold Hummers that people were driving around. I attributed the increase, in some part, to the fear that clever terrorists would lay mines on one lane backroads and only military vehicles would be able to pass. Of course its a soccer mom driving to her fingernail appointment but there could be mines.

Now I see this increase in traffic and I begin to wonder. When a small child is told "don't put your finger in that electrical socket" the force of will it takes that tiny, undeveloped mind to actually resist the urge is pretty much overwhelmed by an insane desire to do the opposite. So I wonder if the tiny child in all of us is recoiling at the price of the gas and saying "wow, 50 dollars to fill the tank, I think I'll burn it all driving today." Every tiny child thinks the same thing so we all sit together, parked in traffic, wishing we could burn our expensive gas faster and getting more and more tense.

I live in a place where most kids live less than 2 miles from school. I hear every excuse in the book why that kid has to be loaded up in a car, driven that two miles, every single day, twice a day. I ride 20 miles each way to work, over a big hill, so don't give me excuses. As the shoe says, just do it. People, don't be babies! Don't let the child in you decide your actions. Be an adult and find another way to get to work.

Fragile

2006-03-12T14:18:00.000-08:00

One of my best friends is gone. Not dead, not harmed nothing like that. Just gone. We had developed a very intense friendship over IM. We got introduced from a mutual friend and our initial interest was biking. From there it went to everything from coffee, tea, sex, marriage, jacking off, fitness, food, and weather. Too many things to count.

At some point it turned sour. Im the first to admit that come winter I'm not a fun person to be around. I hate winter, as I've mentioned before, and it makes me irritated and mad. And there were some hints that IM was a waste of time, but then there was nothing, just as if this guy popped out of existence. No response to email, no response to IM or anything. It was sad but I just left it alone.

I was cleaning out my website the other day and found a link where I had written down all the cool things we would do when he came out to visit the west coast. Bike rides, restaurants, hikes, etc. I decided to look him up and found he had started a blog right "next door." His wife is pregnant and there was all sorts of bloggish blathering. I read almost the whole thing and then commented. I said congrats on the daddy-dom and whats up with the disappearing act? I got this response: "I disappeared because my time is limited. Not yet a daddy."

Well I sure hope he didn't waste too much time creating that response.

It strikes me that no matter what we think about our friends, friendship is very fragile. At any moment for any reason, it just blows away in the wind. People change, situations change, things change and its gone, in a puff of smoke. Last night, in bed, I held my wife's hand and said "at least what we have is not fragile." She profoundly agreed and kissed me goodnight.

Winter Kills

2005-12-21T22:07:00.000-08:00

Having been working for over a month now, I can honestly say I hate it. Everything is good, great even. Its fairly interesting, pays well, they let me walk around barefoot, and there is a gym less than a block away. I rode in to work a couple times and then the rain set in. As the holidays approach there is food food food food food. Today there were cookies, pies, and a caramel apple with chocolate and nuts that was so big it could feed a family of 8. I ate like a pig, didn't exercise like I planned and didn't even shower. I feel like a pig, I eat like a pig, I am a pig.

If I don't figure out a way to control myself this is going to kill me. Slowly but surely. Im scared, depressed and ashamed of myself. I believe that every day is a new day though, so we shall see what tomorrow brings.

I recall hating winter last year. I'm thinking maybe I just hate winter. Hate it. HATE it. What ever doesn't kill you, right?

Wish me luck tomorrow.

Revolution

2005-11-12T14:28:00.000-08:00

When I was in college I had no money, no job, and a lot of time on my hands. I used to hang out in this bookstore for hours and hours. They always played Tracy Chapman (self titled). I remember hearing "Talkin' bout a Revolution" and thinking it was just around the corner. I waited.

I heard a cover of the song that was pretty terrible so I put the CD on. Memories of the expected Revolution came back to me. I always felt that listening to the CD would make it happen and maybe I've been not doing my part by listening as much. I start my job for the "Man" Monday and I'm thinking I might just drive in for the first couple of days, get the lay of the land. I think I'll take Tracy with me.

I've already mapped out the route for biking it and will probably try that out tomorrow. I'll keep "Across the Lines" in my head as I pedal.

Not having "worked" in months and working so hard at disconnecting myself from the rampant consumerism its going to be weird to come into "money" again. I think I'll try keeping "Mountains O' Things" in the back of my subconscious as we're discussing new flooring, I'm looking for my dream bike on eBay or a replica of Eddy Merck's Molteni jersey shows up in a catalog for a mere 199.99 and my birthday is imminent.

Smashed in the Face

2005-11-01T15:45:00.000-08:00

I had to go downtown to run some errands at the bank and such. It struck me how going downtown you are literally smashed in the face by all the "buy, Buy BUY" messages all over the place. Its amazing how TV, all the media and everywhere you turn its nothing but consume, buy me, and eat. I wish I could get out and get clean but I feel stuck.

Job hunting is miserable so every chance I get I go for a long ass bike ride. Today I was out on the backroads and all around me was the lack of buy messages. Just trees, dead squirrels, birds, roads, and cloudy skies, houses, occasional cars, other bikes, but no consume messages. It was refreshing. What would happen if for one day no one consumed anything but maple syrup. Would the economy come crashing down and start WWIII? My brother is on a maple syrup cleansing thing which I don't buy into, but imagine the rush on syrup. Maple trees would be driven into extinction. Maybe its not a good idea but we have to do something, dont we?

150 miles

2005-10-14T22:45:00.000-07:00

I clocked 150 miles for the week. I've been trying to do 100 miles a week but I outdid myself this week. I've been stressed and pulled and stretched and I bike to avoid eating. It does work but sitting here with ice cream calling to me, whispering "just one spoonful wont hurt" is tough. I can hold out until I lay my head to sleep.

On my ride today I was thinking about a lot of stuff. We live in the world of Nero the emperor. When Rome was burning, Nero was building the most lavish bathhouse for him and his cronies. In the face of disaster we buy bigger cars, up our already insane consumption, and cover our ears singing lalalalalala while Rome burns around us. Ok, so biking solo leaves for a lot of room for weird thoughts but where I live there are a lot of "seats 7" type SUV's with one person driving them and it kind of make me wonder if I am the only sane one left.

The other thing I thought is how you expect people to be a certain way but you really never know. I mean like people show a front and you just never know whats behind that. I can't go into details but the other thing besides riding 150 miles that I did this week was piss off all the people I work with. Im done for the week.

In Control

2005-09-14T17:24:00.000-07:00

There is this immense feeling of power and satisfaction when you are in control of yourself. Our culture lends itself to incredible debt, rampant consumption and total lack of responsibility. I go through phases where I am in control and where I lose control and its easy to slip, believe me. But when you move into the control phase, its intensely powerful and gives you the power and drive to continue. It must be like when Christ resisted the Temptation. But really its the idea that something that tempts you, calls to you, overcomes you has no real power over you. Its a good feeling and liberating.

When your SO brings home a new ice cream and you put it in the freezer, tell yoursef: I don't need that, I don't want that and drink some water. Then blog about how smug you feel.

Climbing Repeats

2005-09-13T19:07:00.000-07:00

Went out to do climbing repeats today as the first day of my training. Everything was golden but mentally I wasn't entirely sure I could do it. Nice Bill was out there and was very supportive saying "you can do it" as the climb started. It was enough to get me to try and lo and behold I did it. I was supposed to do 8 minutes at just above lactate threshold but the climb ended before 8 minutes was up. I got to the top, regained my heart rate, and waited for the rest of the guys. Nice Bill came up just a few minutes after me (despite his saying so, he's a great climber) and the other guys came up several minutes after Bill. It was already starting to get cold but it felt great.

We headed to the meeting point to wait for the rest of the guys and it got REALLY cold. By the time everyone gathered we all agreed warm car or house was the destination so my second CR was put on hold. I could have done it, but it was just too darn cold. Oh well, I'm supposed to not do CR's back to back so maybe I have to wait until next week.

Struggle

2005-09-12T21:08:00.000-07:00

I swore Id only have dinner and grapes. Ive had dinner and Ive had grapes. Maybe I should just go to sleep. I can make it one more hour. They say the brain loves a good fight, a good problem to think about, to solve, to overcome. A present for my brain if I can hold out.

Tomorrow is hammer time with the boys. 5pm but its going to be heavy traffic. Its scary and exhilerating at the same time. I think I'll try to figure out a training stint to do while I'm riding. I don't just want to hammer for no reason.

Everything is a struggle with life. Its a struggle to eat right, exercise, work, play, love, laugh, cry, sing and dance. The media wants us doped up and consuming as much as possible, constantly and without thought for the consequences. Consumerism is by definition, never ending, never satisfying, never enough. If you've given up the struggle you've lost and you're asleep, letting the media control you; what you eat and when, where you live, what you wear, how you think, what you drive, how you love and what you love. All you have to do is wake up, and start struggling. Its that easy and the hardest thing in the world.

Katrina

2005-09-12T18:43:00.000-07:00

I know this is heartless and cruel and unusual but this incessant blathering about Katrina and the horror of it all. Everyone's got their hand out and there are kids selling lemonade on the corners to help the Katrina victims. Yes I feel for them, yes its terrible what happened but shut the βλεερ up about it.

I NEVER watch the news. Bad stuff happens all the time and I dont need to know the details. Stay within your tribe and focus on your local stuff. I know it sounds callous but imagine a world where there was no news, no newspaper, no radio, no tv. How would you even know it had happened?

Bare Hands

2005-09-12T17:26:00.000-07:00

So when I started this blog thing, I was very new to being barefoot 24/7. It was forefront in my mind as something novel and exciting. Well a lot of time has passed and a lot of has happened, and being barefoot 24/7 is just as novel and exciting as being barehanded 24/7. I mean there are no support groups, email lists and hiking clubs that specialize in bare handed folks.

So its just a thing and to me its so normal that I don't want to talk about it anymore. It's hard for me to believe that people are so obsessed with footware.

When you are looking at me and staring at my barefeet and wondering if I'm some serial killer or nutjob, remember that I'm looking at you and pitying your poor, sweaty, stinky, tortured feet.
Nuf said.

Up the mountain

2005-09-12T17:04:00.000-07:00

My buddies are going to do the Mt. Diablo Challenge this October and they've been telling me that I can do it in under an hour. I've been up Mt. Diablo several times and I didn't think there was any way I could do it in under an hour.

My buddies maintained that they could do it in 1:15 and I'm a faster, better, lighter climber than both of them so I should be able to do it faster, better, lighter, right?

I did it this weekend. Mt. Diablo is hard to do. It's ten miles up and there is no food or water except at the junction and apparently, for the "challenge," you can't stop (or at least they count the time you stop).

Its about 15 miles from my house to the "start" so I warm up and get hungry getting there. I eat a sandwich and stretch, I'm down to half a water bottle, I set my stopwatch and head up. I go harder than I should but not too hard and end up almost throwing up my sandwich. I reach the junction in 34:48 and have to stop. Im feeling affected by nausea, have 4.5 miles to go, its steeper than what I've already done. I'm thinking "no fucking way."

I regain my composure, stupidly forget to fill with water (as long as I'm stopped I might as well have done it) and head up. It seems easier than I recall and I make a point of NOT looking at the stopwatch (which has been restarted). I couldn't recall if Devil's Elbow marked the "it's almost over" or "the worst part is yet to come." It's both. I turned the corner to see the radio tower and looming ahead was the 18% grade. I switch into my triple, making my way inexorably up, inches from death, to the summit. As soon as it levels out and I can spin again, I stop the stopwatch and look; 1:04:65.

Hmm, not as bad as I expected, having cheated and stopped.

Anyway a new secret goal of mine is to make it up in less than an hour. I have to be really smart and figure a way to get water and food up the mountain. I'm thinking fill up at the bike store and take "goo's" (liquid sugar). I haven't found a "goo" I can stomach but this one looks promising. Have to train right, train smart. I'm a prima donna when it comes to water though and the water on the mountain sucks. Have to think that one through.

The Rocket

2005-06-05T17:15:00.000-07:00

Its amazing how a good prop can boost your spirits. Today after a long bike ride, I stopped to water up and eat something cause I was close to bonking. My lactic threshhold is not up to par and I think its because Ive been bad (gotta stop that).

A guy (we will call him Silver Package) rolls in and says he saw my bike then me at the water fountain and needed water so he stopped. We talked a bit, where we were going, where we had gone, etc. Normal bike stuff. Then he rolls and I say "have a great ride." And I really mean that everytime I say that. He says "you too."

Two minutes later I put my helmet on and roll on. My legs are hurting but Im 2.5 miles from home so I just lay into the wind and GO. I see Silver and easily catch up to him. This is my territory and Im almost home so I have it in me. As I pass by him, I say "have a safe ride." He makes some noise and says "fuck, dude!"

I start the downhill and its curvy and there are cars. I always put myself in front of the cars because I need the whole lane to get around this one curve. But I move really fast and Im up on the other side quick and get over to my side. I pedal on and turn to look back to see whats what and Silver is right on my tail. He says "is this your normal playing-around pace? you rocketed right past me, can I ride your wheel for a while?" I said "sure but Im almost home" (1/2 a mile to go). Well we ride side by side or whatever and he says "boy my heart was racing keeping up with you."

I turn off and let out a little whoop of joy. It nice being called a rocket

Cake for Dinner

2005-06-01T18:55:00.000-07:00

So Im a bit hardcore. I understand that. But one day people are going to realize that all this crap we take for granted is killing us and it will become like smoking. Back when, no one could believe that smoking did any harm. Now we have such restrictive laws and there are still hardcore smokers. One day we will have restrictive laws about food and there will still be people struggling with weight and health issues and downright fat slobs.

So for dinner we are having barbequed chicken and cake. My son brought home a recipe from a camp he went to for cornbread. He said "this cornbread was so good!" Well yeah it was good, it has a cup of sugar in it.

Anything that has 2 cups of flour, baking powder, eggs and sugar is cake. Doesnt matter what you call it, its cake. So we are having cake for dinner.

Blueberries

2005-06-01T14:50:00.000-07:00

So this is why I hate it when "experts" get their grubby hands on anything. In the most recent Friday folder we got the new menu for the last couple of days of school. On the back, there is half a page about the wonders of blueberries. Fundamentally I believe that fruit is gud fud and you should eat lots of it, raw, and a wide variety. Nuf said. But experts have to go on and on and study and research and poke and prod and finally say basically the same thing but in slightly more "buy them NOW!" way.

The thing that gets me is two-fold. First off, when a normal person (I personally know several of these) reads this, they think "ah, Ill eat blueberries from now on since they are good for me." The problem is that all fruits are "good" for you but this sounds like some evil blueberry consortium trying to peddle their wares and its suspect. Not really but you know what I mean.

The second thing that really burns me is the insidious last paragraph. I say insidious because on the one hand it could be totally innocent and just the "way" that we think about food. But on the other hand, I feel its targeted because poor Sodexho's margin on blueberries is low whereas if they doctor it up they can increase their margin. Basically if they put as little fruit as possible and still call it "Blueberry Flavored; warning may contain some blueberries!" and fill it up with cheap crap, they can sell it at a high margin.

So the last paragraph reads:

"Blueberries can be eaten on cereals or in salads, yogurt, ice cream, smoothies, or pie." I added the bold for emphasis. Surprisingly enough, blueberries can be eaten plain, with a spoon and they are quite good. But there is that margin again and they cant really sell you spoons.

So I can think of two boxed cereals that have NO added sweeteners. Hot cereal is good option (my roasted buckwheat 3rd breakfast will be spiked with blueberries this morning) but I used to add at least a T of butter and two heaping teaspoons of sugar to my hot cereal before I weaned myself off that stuff.

Ill leave salad alone since I cant fathom what they are selling here.

Yogurt is mostly sugar (Yoplait original has 27 grams of sugar) unless you eat plain yogurt and Im not sure many kids (or adults for that matter) eat plain yogurt.

I wont even go on about ice cream but suffice it say that I have a hard time keeping my head from exploding when I read this stuff.

Smoothies are fine if you make them yourself but Im betting Sodexho has a packaged smoothie conveniently blueberry flavored and even in a blue package for extra special blue power.

and finally PIE for god's sake. There was a Nickolodeon commercial this weekend about the dangers of PIE (they do funny, kid oriented, healthy commercials that are followed by ads for KoolAid and French Toast Dunks).

So the well meaning parents pack blueberry flavored fruit gushers and blueberry snack cakes and blueberry flavored yogurt squeeze tubes and then wonder why their kids have adult onset diabetes and are overweight when blueberries are so "good" for you.

Maybe we are supposed to be anxious?

2005-05-16T15:18:00.000-07:00

I just found out from a dear friend that their daughter went on Zoloft. Their teenage daughter with regular teenage angst asked for it. They pretty much feel that since shes going to be 18 in three months anyway, they cant really try to impose their wishes on her anymore. I totally am down with that but...

For one thing, back in the day, when our all consuming thoughts were 1) where to get food and 2) how to avoid being killed by a lion, must have filled us with some level of anxiety. Then as we lay our heads to sleep we would think to ourselves "I found food and didnt get killed by a lion, great day!"

But today, from the news, tv, radio, magazines, newspaper, all media, we are constantly bombarded with this anxiety. And we have our own little fears of earthquakes, serial killers, africanized killer bees, etc. And there is never the release of "hey an earthquake didnt happen, my eyes werent fed to the serial killer's cat and I didn't get stung, great day!"

So we take Zoloft.

But maybe we are supposed to be anxious and have a release. Its too easy to get food and there are no lions.

But turn off the tv, avoid the media and stop fearing everything. Find something to really focus on like your fat ass. Worry about whether you went out and jogged, ran, bicycled, swam, danced or whatever else and how you are going eat only organic, whole foods today. And go to bed a little hungry and happy that you did something for yourself and your well being. Look forward to the idea that you get to "stress" about it tomorrow. Keep that TV off and stop being scared to death.

For Pete's sake, if you are taking Zoloft you are just hiding the symptoms without addressing the problem. If you are sad and depressed, so fucking what? So is everyone else. Deal with it. You are not dealing with the fact that this world is oppressive and you need to throw its shackles off your neck. Exercise, eating right, taking care of yourself is the answer. I know. Im the most psychotic person I know and Im not on Zoloft.

What the βlεερ do we know?

2005-05-15T11:21:00.000-07:00

The movie is about our perceptions and how reality is not an absolute but rather modified by our perceptions to fit what we "want" to see. Its a good movie and really calls into question our programming.

But in another way, why is it that we are so disconnected from reality that we need "experts" to tell us that blueberries are good for us? I have lots of theories as to why this is so, but lets just say that there are countless examples of how the divine order of things is so elegant and so simple and we just miss it completely. One recent example comes from a list Im on:

"We tried an experiment years ago with about a dozen hikers of widely varying shapes and sizes and the 15 minutes per finger formula was correct within a few percentage points. All of us came up with the same sunset forecast. So there you have it: Thickness of hands/fingers, length of arms, distance to horizon on planet Earth all in perfect geometrical sycnch. Are we not fearfully and wonderfully made?"

The idea that we are geometrically connected to the earth is so core to our design and yet so alien to our modern minds. Somehow I think our modern minds are not so modern and not really doing us any good.

Death Ride

2005-05-13T19:36:00.000-07:00

Did Death Climb 4 today. Jon was going to go with me but something came up. My wife forwarded this thing today about some ad that went on and on about how to be the perfect wife and adore your husband. It was from the 50's and had things like, clean up before hubby gets home, greet him warmly and get his favorite drink. Have the house quiet and his favorite meal ready. Don't talk about your day as his needs now are so important. Yada yada yada.

So in response to this, the wife is especially lazy around the house doing absolutely nothing to help with dinner or anything. I feel like I do everything.

What does this have to do with Death Rides? Well Jon couldnt do it because he had to pick up his kid from practice at 5 and his wife couldnt do it for I assume the same reason my wife can't do anything (email, malaise, doing things for others that no one asked them to do, etc.) So my Iron John hairs are standing on end right now but at the same time I'm feeling good cause the endorphins are flowing.

Running

2005-05-12T22:34:00.000-07:00

Today I ran. I run at least twice a week. Some days are better runs than others whereas biking is always great. Today I ran late which I never like but I take what I can get.

There are a lot of high school kids that run the same path that I run. I guess they are on the track team or something but they always out run me as if they are flying. All kids out run me. Im an old fart.

Today I could tell some kid was checking me out. I doubt he was admiring my greying, wild hair or sweaty, ratty t-shirt. But my lack of shoes is definitely attention grabbing. Eventually he went on. I don't know what came over me but it was probably testosterone poisoning. I hurried through my stretches and went after him.

Now Im totally willing to give the kid the fact that he was carrying at least 2 lbs. of foot coffin on his feet, but I overtook him and passed him. I felt ecstatic but I was going hard and Ive been trying to force myself to go slow and concentrate on form (relax, relax, relax).

Anyway it felt good and sometimes old farts need to put young bucks in their place. Sometimes.

Waking Up is Hard to Do

2005-04-21T09:59:00.000-07:00

There are two opposing forces in the morning. The "stay in bed" force is dependent on how cold it is and how warm and comfy your bed is and how tired you were when you went to bed. The "get out of bed" force is dependent on what you are getting up for, how badly you have to pee, and how hungry you are.

Most days I prefer the balance to be on the hungry side. I like going to bed hungry and waking up ready to hunt down breakfast, kill it and eat it.

Redemption

2005-04-20T19:23:00.000-07:00

Today's redemption was that Jon called and wanted to go for a kick ass bike ride. We headed up Reliez and then did Pig Farm, and Mama Bear and headed back on the tough side of Happy Valley. He suggested it, not me. So we did it and it felt great. Each pedal stroke was a cookie. I am clear for the day and all I get for the rest of the night is one orange. Im moving the tubs and bags and crap into the wife's car so I wont see them again. I have only have enough self control for one thing. Either money or food. Not both.

Tub Food

2005-04-20T15:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my wife brings home all the goodies from her event. Its all huge bags of crap and tub food. You know how at TJ's you walk down the aisles and there are tubs of cookies, candy, brownies and all manner of bad food for you at eye level? So who really eats an 18 cookie serving of this stuff with 130 servings? I sure as hell dont and I feel sick. I am torn between throwing it out and just eating through it until its gone. Im so sensitive to GI that I feel all twitchy and drugged when I eat this stuff. Ugh. And it f*cks with your motivation and serotonin levels. Ive been depressed and paranoid all day. Even though its beautiful out and Id love to go for a run I just sit there, like a madman, eating tiny chocolate, cat shaped cookies.